Sketch from Yesterday

I've been doing most of my sketches in pencil or watercolor in the past 3 weeks, so I was a little awkward when I did this oil sketch from yesterday's walk. I liked how the real world looked kind of ethereal and the reflection more clear and defined. The colors, too, were so different. More sketches to come tomorrow. There's a certain feeling I'm trying to capture. I'm not sure I can even describe it in words. I'll work on it again today.

There's something about painting, looking, preparing to paint, thinking about painting and after painting; my house always gets into a mess while I'm painting. It just happens.

In the past, I became so involved in making a living, supporting my family, doing volunteer work to help other people, that I only painted in brief spurts of production. I always allowed myself to be distracted or chose to only paint for myself, telling myself that I did not want to paint for money. I didn't really want to share my paintings; it was more of a feeling that I was not completely aware of rather than a thought in words.

Something changed, though. Part of that change was when I worked with a friend who was trying to help me increase my income. She pointed out that she could understand that I didn't want to sell my paintings for a few pieces of paper (money) because my paintings are little pieces of my spirit, they are my creations and I love them. Of course, I wouldn't want to trade them for little pieces of paper. However, she pointed out that there might be things that I found to be valuable to me spiritually or emotionally. And I suddenly got it!! The way that I was holding myself back, even holding my family and friends back from what I could share with them was by NOT painting and NOT sharing my paintings. My exchange was not just money . . . it was for what I could do with that money or even with what I could do with sharing my art with people.

Another friend helped me to find and put into words my basic purpose. Finding that has helped me to remove some barriers in my life that I didn't even know were there. More about that later perhaps.